Dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest experiences most people will face in their lifetime. While no one desires to go through it, death is a part of life that everyone will encounter, and the pain it brings is a natural response.
Grief is a normal and essential part of processing this loss. Though it may feel like time stands still and nothing is ever ‘ok,’ remember that it’s not a linear journey. There is no guarantee that life will return to what it once was, however, over time, you can find strength and healing, even as things change.
Don’t Rush to Get Better
As strange as it sounds, it is helpful to ‘schedule’ out grieving time, a period of time in your day where you can process how you are feeling. Even if you have a busy schedule, it is important to make time for grieving. Mourning can take years and should not be neglected. Consider setting aside 20 minutes every day to grieve your loss. This might feel very unnatural and uncomfortable, but use this time to think about the loved one you lost and the memories you shared.
But of course, you might not be ready to even acknowledge you have lost someone in your life, so take time and take it slow, and take as much or as little time as you need. Allow yourself moments of respite where you do not have to focus on your loss. These moments are essential breaks that can give you the strength to continue healing. There is no right way to grieve, so focus on having time for yourself that you can dedicate to ‘grieving time.’
Make no mistake, there is no assumption that you are boxing away your feelings and that you can switch your feelings on and off. Rather that you are committing to remember your loved ones so you are not withholding the pain you feel and have the time and space to process how you feel.
Making Decisions
Part of grieving your loss is making difficult decisions, such as choosing which local funeral directors to go with and selecting a funeral car. But post-funeral, you might be in the position of sorting through your loved ones’ belongings and finalising affairs.
Sifting through a family member’s belongings can be both emotionally daunting and stressful. It’s important not to take on this task alone. Having the support of family or close friends can ease the burden and provide comfort during this difficult time.
You may also face more personal decisions, such as when to return to work, how often to visit the cemetery, whether to sell or move into the family home, or how to fairly distribute sentimental items not mentioned in the will. These are deeply personal choices that don’t have a set timeline. Be sure to honour your feelings, take it one step at a time, and remember that it’s okay to seek guidance if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Adjusting to the Loss
Grieving your loss does not have to look like talking about your feelings. You could go on walks, journal, and paint. Although, it might be helpful to talk to loved ones or to seek professional support systems.
Finding healthy ways to manage the stress of loss can not only help you cope but also build resilience for future challenges. Whether through prayer, socialising, dedicating time to hobbies, or setting aside regular moments for self-care, these practices can provide a sense of stability during difficult times.
Embrace this grieving period as you figure out the ‘new normal’, every day will look different, some days you’ll experience the most intense of emotions and other days you will feel like you are getting better, and then worse again. Your grief will not take a linear path.
Part of adjusting and adapting to a loss is to create traditions to remember your loved one, such as planting a tree in memory of them or supporting their charity of choice. These acts can bring a sense of connection and purpose, which may help as you move towards healing.
Most importantly, remember that seeking professional help is a valuable step if the journey feels overwhelming. It’s okay to need support as you adjust to life after loss.
Final Thoughts
Grieving your loss is all about taking your time to acknowledge the reality of your loss and processing your emotions. Whether it be sadness, anger or even joy, take the time to mourn over your loss so you can adapt to a new life without them.
But grieving does not have to mean you are forgetting about who you loved, or even that you need to get it over with, as part of adjusting to your loss is finding ways to carry their memory forward.
Over time, you can build resilience and heal but that does not mean you will stop hurting or that you will stop missing them, but you will be able to learn to live without them.
Coping and managing life in healthy ways are essential steps in moving forward. Developing strategies like nurturing meaningful connections and engaging in can provide comfort and stability. These approaches not only help you navigate the grief but also allow you to live a life filled with purpose and meaning, even as you mourn.
Learning to live with your loss is a journey, but with time, patience, and the right support, it is possible to find healing and recover from your loss.
