Settling Down or Just Settling?
Modern dating is giving 2010s IKEA: practical, inoffensive, and depressingly grey. We’ve gone from love letters and late-night passion to “wyd?” texts and silent scrolling next to someone you technically still call bae.
People out here talking about being in “comfortable relationships” like that’s a flex. Sis, your situationship got throw pillows and trauma bonds, but let’s not act like that’s the dream.
We’ve mistaken routine for intimacy. Stability for depth. “Not arguing” for actually being seen.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: most of these safe, settled relationships are quietly smothering your ambition. They’re not holding you back with handcuffs — they’re just making sure you’re too tired, too busy, or too emotionally numb to dream big.
The Silent Killer: Mediocre Love
Let’s name it properly: mediocrity. That sneaky little devil that shows up as “nice enough,” “solid,” or “he’s a good man, Savannah.”
It’s love without curiosity.
Affection without fire.
Support that feels like low-budget customer service.
You’re in something that technically functions — bills get paid, texts get replied to, and maybe y’all still kiss on birthdays. But you’re not growing. You’re not levelling up. You’re not becoming anything.
The UK Office for National Statistics found that over 42% of long-term couples report feeling “dissatisfied but stable.” Read that again. Stable and unfulfilled. Like two houseplants watering each other in a beige prison.
When “Safe” is Just a Soft Lie
People love to say their partner is “safe.” Safe how? Emotionally? Financially? Or just predictably boring?
Safe doesn’t mean good. It means familiar. And familiar doesn’t spark purpose — it just reminds you of who you’ve always been, not who you could become.
You think you’ve found your forever person, but what you really signed up for was early retirement from your own potential. You stopped writing. You stopped travelling. You stopped dreaming because “we’re saving for a kitchen reno” and “he’s not really into change.”
Comfort isn’t always comfort. Sometimes it’s fear with good PR.
Ambition and Mid Love Don’t Mix
Here’s what nobody wants to say: greatness doesn’t come from “it’s fine.”
You don’t create art, build empires, or find your true self next to someone who’s just there. Growth requires pressure. Creativity needs space. And you need to be inspired — not babysat.
In fact, research from the University of Rochester shows that people in emotionally neutral but stable relationships are less likely to chase major life goals. Why? Because mediocrity breeds emotional complacency. You stop trying. You start coasting. You fold your dreams into storage bins next to the Christmas decorations.
Your vision board didn’t include this man. Be honest.
Dating Like It’s a Savings Account
A lot of us treat relationships like pensions: invest early, don’t question the returns, and hope it pays off before death.
But what’s the ROI on emotional blandness?
You used to want to start a business. Write a book. Launch a podcast. Now you want a Dyson vacuum and someone who texts back before 10 p.m.
Somewhere along the line, comfort stopped being a bonus and started being the whole damn plan. The problem is comfort isn’t the goal — alignment is.
The Romance Industrial Complex
We’ve been sold a lie. Movies, aunties, Instagram therapists — all pushing the idea that once you find a stable partner, life gets better. Suddenly your skin clears, your finances improve, and your career takes off.
Wrong.
What actually happens is you fall into a pattern of mutual avoidance. You learn to smile through the stagnation. You celebrate anniversaries for relationships that haven’t evolved since year two. You become co-dependent co-workers in the business of avoiding loneliness.
Even the language is trash: “settle down.” Not rise up, not grow with, just… settle.
Imagine applying that mindset to anything else. You wouldn’t eat mid food forever just because it was “safe.” But you’ll stay in a 60% love because the vibe is “not terrible”? Be serious.
What Growth Actually Requires
Let’s break it down:
A real partnership should do at least three things:
- Push you — emotionally, spiritually, creatively.
- Mirror you — not just affirm your good traits, but gently call out the BS.
- Protect your evolution — not block it because they’re scared you’ll outgrow them.
If your person isn’t helping you transform, then what are they? A flatmate with benefits? A nostalgia trip with matching pyjamas?
Stop dating for optics. Start dating for expansion.
Case Study: Your Cousin and Her Situationship
Let’s talk about that cousin. You know the one.
She used to want to study abroad. Maybe even do a master’s degree. Now she’s doing her man’s laundry, dealing with his “mood swings”, and trying to get him to go therapy because “he’s been through a lot.”
Sis is basically an unpaid social worker with benefits. But she posts him on her birthday like he’s a prize.
Meanwhile, her ambition is on mute.
If she left tomorrow, she’d start glowing again. But she won’t, because “he’s never cheated” and “we’ve got history.”
History isn’t healing.
Fear in a Fleece
Most of these relationships aren’t rooted in love — they’re built on fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of starting over. Fear of not being chosen again.
So, we stay. We shrink. We soften our goals. We fold ourselves in half so we can fit into someone else’s limited vision of the future.
We call it loyalty. But it’s really emotional self-harm in monthly instalments.
Break Up with Your Coping Mechanism
If this article feels personal, that’s because it is.
Ask yourself:
- Are you with this person because you’re growing?
- Or because they’re convenient?
- Are your dreams louder or quieter since y’all got serious?
- Would 5-year-old you be proud of who you’ve become in this relationship?
Love should be a greenhouse — not a graveyard.
If you’re just surviving the days, showing up for duty sex, and pretending brunch is enough, then you’re not in a relationship. You’re in emotional autopilot.
Choose Greatness Over Guaranteed
What would happen if you chose a partner who scared you a little — not because they’re toxic, but because they challenge you?
Someone who sees your vision before it’s real.
Someone who reminds you that settling is spiritual laziness.
Someone who’d rather see you fly than cling to their comfort zone.
That’s not unsafe. That’s divine.
Final Word: Let That Beige Love Go
Mediocre love doesn’t break your heart. It just dulls your spirit. Slowly. Quietly. Comfortably.
It’s the reason you haven’t started your business.
It’s the reason you keep procrastinating on purpose.
It’s the reason your potential keeps calling and going straight to voicemail.
So do the audit. Pack the emotional suitcase. And if you find yourself in a partnership where your purpose has gone missing…
Walk away while you still recognise yourself.
About the Author
N.E.N.I.N is a political writer, cultural commentator, and professional slayer of beige narratives. With a voice sharpened by satire and a mind allergic to mediocrity, they dissect British politics like it owes them rent. Founder of Nubian Narrator News and longtime critic of establishment theatre, N.E.N.I.N doesn’t believe in sacred cows or silver spoons — only in systems that work and ideas that slap.
Explore more at https://nenin.co.uk
https://www.youtube.com/@NubianNarratorNews
